I'm angry.Yesterday, for the first time as an adult, I had a stereotype lobbed at me. I don't know if it was meant to hurt me, but...
I'm angry.
I've been thinking about it since it happened. Someone I work with, hopefully out of ignorance, stereotyped me. Here's how the drive by shooting went:
"You're gay, right?"
"Um, last time I checked I was. Why"
"I need your help with figuring out what color would work well with these sheets."
"Why ask me?"
"Well you guys are good at that sort of stuff."
" 'You guys?!?' You know what? That's really offensive!"
"Jim, I'm sorry. I was just kidding around. You know what I mean. I just thought you'd be good at this sort of thing."
OK. Yes I am "good at that sort of thing." But not because I'm gay. It's because of my unofficial/undeclared art background in college. It's because I've watched a gazillion home decorating shows on HGTV, TLC, Discovery Channel, or any other channel that had a show about decorating on a budget over the last 15 or so years. And all because I was trying to make my surroundings as nice as possible for as little as possible. When you don't have much lining your pockets, you make do with what you're given.
And it's because I pay attention to the aesthetics of my surroundings no matter where I am. If it makes me feel comfortable, then I analyze the shit out of it to see why and what it is that I can translate back to my own surroundings! Anybody can do that. It doesn't take a "gay" gene.
I'm angry!
I've been stewing on this for a little over a day now. Dammit! I hate being labeled something one dimensional! Yes, I'm gay. But that's not what defines me as a person. It's a part of me, yes, but just one part. ONE PART!!!
I make no efforts to hide my life. It's all out there for anyone to see. I freely talk about my partner, our daughter, and the life we make together. I don't offer up intimate details about our sex life - I don't think anyone should know details about ANYBODY'S sex life. Assume all you want. I ain't sharing and I ask the same of you. Funny, I'm a bit of a prude that way.
But, I'M ANGRY!
I'm might as well had the slur FAGGOT thrown at me. It would have had the same effect. It would have been more efficient.
And dammit! I just wasn't expecting it in this day and age. I thought (wrongly, apparently) that Indianapolis had grown beyond this over the past few years. And, yes, I know it was just one person out of countless others who have been far more gracious. But that's one person too many.
4 comments:
Hi Jim,
Hopefully you'll help Indianapolis change, if ever so slightly. I really enjoy your posts over at Haven's and thought I would visit. Speaking of visit, I do come to Indy quite often. My oldest son works at Yat's up near Castleton. Other son (Sam) goes to Butler.
Hi Jim,
Found your blog through Haven's and Suzanne's blogs. I know exactly what you mean about people assuming you're good at something just because you're gay. I have a close female friend who insists I come shopping with her not because I'm gay but rather good at coordinating items. I, too, once had a co-worker say I'm good at that because I'm gay. I told her that didn't have anything to do with it - I merely had family with a sense of style and learned from them. I also told her that I know PLENTY of gay men who usually look as though they've dressed in the dark, and know a number of straight men who could have another career in interior design. We'll only overcome those idiot stereotypes by making it known that the stereotypes are not indicative of all gay men. In short, thanks for speaking up. One down, far too many to go.
Thanks George and Brandon. I think things have improved over the years here. And I think that by being out in the general population will help change people's perceptions. Not all of us are marching in parades in drag or leather! Or for that matter dressing that way for a Saturday night.
George, you'll have to let me know the next time you're in town. Maybe grab a pint and discuss our favorite author.
Jim,
It has been years since I have seen you.
Just happened to run across the picture of your daughter...she is just beautiful!
Congratulations.
Julie (Coley)Werling
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