I've been looking over drafts of posts that have been sitting out there for a while. Seven total. Six of them downers. Blech. They all seemed to have followed a theme... which I think I covered fairly well in the last two posts. I'm just as tired of talking about the crap as you probably are of reading them.
There seems to be a preponderance of memoirs, blogs, and other stuff out there that take parent bashing to a whole other level. That was never my intent. Things are the way they are. What we do afterward is more important that what is in the past. We can wallow in our misery or get over ourselves and realize that we survived and can become different from what our history would have dictated us to be.
This very fact was driven home to me several weeks ago when I was talking to Kim, a friend of mine, about having to get tough with my daughter about - well, I don't remember what now - but she ended up in tears. I think part of the problem was that she had very little sleep the night before and I had just worked six days straight and was exhausted. And I felt completely awful that I made my two year old daughter cry. Yes, she can be emotional, but she's also a very sweet and loving child. I think she was more upset that I was angry with her than anything.
But my point is that Kim told me that I was not my mother or father, that I'm a great dad, and that parents aren't supposed to be their child's best friend. If I feel like a mean guy sometimes, then I must be doing my job as a parent. It's when a parent keeps their child in tears most of the time that there is a problem. And we all have way too much fun most of the time for that to be a problem.
Riley has developed quite the sense of humor over the past several months. One of her favorite games is for me to pretend that I'm asleep and then she'll kiss me on the nose to awaken me. She thinks it's quite funny to startle me, so I play along. And, I hesitate to share this, but she thinks its hilarious to call me momma. We're pretty sure that she's picked up in daycare that some parents are momma's, and somehow I most closely fit the bill for her. Or she's just being a stinker because she sometimes giggles when I tell her I'm not momma, but daddy.
We have options on how to look at things. We could dwell on the past and be miserable about it. Or we can look at the wonderful things in our lives that we're blessed to have. Personally I'd rather look at the flowers and not dwell on the manure that helps them grow.
3 comments:
I am reminded frequently in my program of recovery how important gratitude can be in taking away our resentments. Next to the serenity prayer I think I just the practice of gratitude the most in maintaining peace with myself. I say peace with myself because I am usually the person with whom I struggle the most.
Thanks Linda. You have no idea (or maybe you do) about how much I think of you and what you've accomplished in your life. I watched my father struggle with his demons and ultimately loose the battle. I don't know that he ever stood a chance, actually. Thank you for being an inspiration as to what people can do to make positive changes in their lives, and for being the person you were meant to be. You have my deepest admiration.
Jim
I thought it was adorable when Riley called you Momma - it is a lovely endearment.
You are figuring so many things out.
It is strange when you become a parent, because (especially if you have had a disturbing childhood) we really want to do a mindful job. That drive to do better and more lovingly requires some reflection and decision making. I think you and Robbie are doing a fabulous job with Riley. I have never seen a happier little girl, she just sparkles. Your eyes sparkle when you look at her.
How healing!
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