A big question I have of late is why I have such a visceral reaction every time I see Santa Claus. I can’t look at the mall Santa without getting choked up. I don’t know if it has something to do with missing the way my childhood used to be, but I’d bet that it does. I used to have the same reaction whenever I would watch Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. I’d cry through most of it, missing how my family used to be whole and together.
The crying ended last year. I held my daughter in my arms and watched it with her for the first time. OK. So I did the watching, she mostly slept as she was only seven months old at the time. It was a great feeling to talk to her letting her know that one of my first memories was watching Rudolph. Of course all she heard was a sound akin to the teacher on another Christmas classic, Merry Christmas Charlie Brown.
This year, we made a date to watch it together again. She did really well for being only 19 months old. She sat next to me on the sofa (for the most part) only getting up occasionally to grab or look at something else. But she always came back on her own to watch the rest of the show. The whole hour long show. I don’t have an attention span that long. She was most fascinated with the singing. Any singing or music will capture her attention like nothing else.Yup. It was the best hour I’ve spent this holiday. And last year too. I can imagine one of the days Riley will look at me and roll her eyes and say “Not again, Dad. It’s just cheesy.” But until then, I’ll relish every single moment that I can make new memories with her, sitting on my lap seeing what I saw for the first time 40 some years ago.
3 comments:
Hello Jim Shue. I'm a friend of Haven's. I'll tell you what I think about Santa. I love him. He has become, I think, an archetype in our society and a badly needed one. He is a)jolly/generous b)safe and c)oriented to the natural world with a magical connection to animals. I think we need Santa and I love to celebrate him ever year.
Merry Santamas! Cheers, Katherine
Also, I love Haven and I hear that you love Haven and both our daughters are named Riley. So that makes us, like, nearly related as far as I'm concerned. But I'm southern that way. :)
I have the same reaction when I see certain Christmas shows; Charlie Brown's Christmas, Frosty, Rudolph, you know the list. My sappiness (and the reason I go through three to four boxes of Kleenex in December alone!) is due to my HAPPY childhood. Yeah, I had my fill of bad times (mostly in my teenage years, and I deserved every single grounding/spanking I got!) but all in all, I was one of the lucky ones. My parents weren't rich, by any means, but we were comfortable.
I'm getting off-topic here. My point is, I know what you mean when you say you tear up at the sight of Santa. It may not be for the same reason, but I ,too, get that same lump in my throat when I see those familiar animated classics. I pine for the way life used to be--simple and safe. I could curl up with my mom and dad on the sofa to watch Rudolph while sipping hot chocolate with candy cane swizzle sticks.
There's something very intimate about our childhoods, no matter how the story reads. The older I get, the more those memories affect me. I can't imagine what adulthood is like for those of you who have had harsh childhoods. those who were robbed of that special gift. Thank God that as we age, we're given the chance to create our own brand-new lives, exactly as we want it. Now that you have Riley, you have the chance to create that warm, loving perfection that you missed out on. I don't know about you, but I live vicariously through my daughter. Watching her experience things (such as those crazy Christmas cartoons) makes me smile. Parenthood is so special. And by the way, my "baby" is now 13 years old and we still have special moments from time to time...she still snuggles up to me when we watch Rudolph and Frosty together, and she's yet to say "Oh, mom...that's too cheesy" to me. :) Some things are just forever sacred. Things like Rudolph and Santa.
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