Recently we participated in a parenting panel at the University of Indianapolis which we've been a part of for the past 5 years. The instructor usually has us and another family (who are straight) talk a little about our families, our backgrounds, and then answer questions from the students. There are several questions that we can usually count on hearing every time and one in particular had me thinking more about my answer. That question is always about our coming out stories.
I usually chuckle and ask which time because I did it twice. I came out when I was twenty-one and then slammed the closet door back shut several years later after getting my heart broken over and over. I wanted a relationship - something more than just bed hopping. Unfortunately the times and the guys I met weren't accommodating to what I wanted, what I needed, and I decided that I couldn't take anymore and I would go back to dating women.
The second time was when I was almost thirty-three. After dating either the wrong women, or trying to date the unattainable ones I realized the reason I was picking them was because deep down I knew I wouldn't end up with any of them. And while I was being honest with myself, the reason I didn't want to end up with a woman was because I knew that at some point I would end up cheating with a man and I just couldn't do that to someone. I've had several women friends who have been in those situations and I've seen first hand the anguish they've gone through. I just couldn't be that guy.
But the truth is so much complex than those small episodes. Everyday is a coming out of some sort or another. Whenever I find myself in a new situation I wonder how much of my life I can show. Every time we're introduced to a new group of people I'm wondering how much of our life I can reveal. Most people think it's the formal process of coming out to our families, friends, or coworkers but it really is a continuing process that never ends. It would be nice to not have to act this way but until someone (us) can be open about their love life without fear of judgement or retribution this is the state of our lives - always wondering how much of our lives we can be open about.
Oh, and the second most asked question? That would be "who does her hair?" We pay a professional to keep her hair looking nice. All I can do is simple braid. If I tried to French braid it would look like I used my feet.
3 comments:
always one of my favorite stories - how you tripped coming out of the closet. I think every time we own and declare our truth(s), we are all coming out from the facade we construction to hide us. My facade is all cracked and shaking, just not sure what will emerge.
Well another good read,my one question is why the coming out is such a dramatc deal I feel society puts to much pressure for people of sexual preferenceas in same sex or bi- sexuallity. I am not homophobic at all I believe we all have a choice in life. That chioce is a symple one live your life with your truth.the only judgements we should make is on our own lives...I have been judged for so many things I never had a choice in.and you are who you are.So live a quality live.bc thats is what you owe to yurself.
I hope sometime you will email me. I have been reading your blogs - I cry, I laugh, I feel like I failed you as a friend somehow but then I remember how shy and backwards I was but that should not have been an excuse. My heart broke for you when your dad was killed in the wreck. I regret not being able to express that to you.
TB
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