A Tree Grows in Driftwood Hills

Recently Riley has taken to telling stories about her birth mother. At first it was a bit alarming causing us to pause for a moment and question if we somehow were not giving Riley everything she needed. Then we found out that the neighbor girls who are also adopted are doing something very similar in talking about their own birth parents. The alarm bells quieted a bit since those girls have both an adoptive mom and dad.

Mother's day just passed and this year made it especially poignant with the tales she has been spinning of things that have happened with both her birth mother and now recently her birth father. We talk with her and give her what little information we have and feel that is appropriate to share. Robbie's sister is adopted as well so we do have some reference sources right in the family on how to handle the questions and stories.

Her school experience has  been extremely wonderful and for Mother's Day this year she brought home handmade cards for both of her daddies as well as one she made for her birth mother that she placed in the mailbox. Our letter carrier has been a real gem over the years, taking in the pieces of hand made art that Riley places there and even leaving a personal thank you several times. But this time the card for her birth mother made me think hard about our and Riley's situation. I had Robbie retrieve the card and together with a personal note from us and a photo of Riley they will be sent to the Adoption Link to go into a file in case Riley's birth mother decided she wants to know more about the little girl she left in our care 6 years ago.

6 years. Six. Our little girl is six years old now and it just seems like yesterday that I was holding her in my arms for the first time and weeping at the pure joy of finally being a father. I think I cried for a good 15 -20 minutes as I was giving her a bottle while sitting in that huge rocking recliner on the second floor offices of the adoption agency. Riley never took her eyes off me the entire time. There have been two times in my life that I've been absolutely sure I was doing the right thing. One is the day that I married Robbie (yeah, not legal but still a marriage) and the second was the first moment I held my daughter in my arms.

But now with her birth mother stories I have doubts. Doubts that we will be able to give Riley everything she needs. I read all day Sunday of the wonderful tributes people paid to the mothers and women in their lives that have helped shape who they have become. Those stories only increased my worry (have I mentioned that if worrying were an Olympic sport I would take the gold every 4 years?) So I did the exact opposite of what I wanted to do - I talked to Riley with Robbie about her birth mother, how her mother loved her very much, wanted us to have her as our own daughter and to take care of her because she wasn't able to.

We then asked Riley if she would like to pick out a tree or rose bush of some kind to plant in honor of the women who gave her life and she thought that was a great idea. We have a local garden shop fairly close to our home and we drove over to find just the right plant. After wandering around for a while looking at various trees and plants Riley seemed a little overwhelmed. That's when I remembered the Eastern Redbud  They are native to this area and are covered in lavender blooms every spring before the leaves come out. Heart shaped leaves. Once I pointed those leaves out to Riley she was very excited and wanted to get that one to plant in honor of her birth mother. I hope this is a way for her to connect with her birth mother since we don't know where she is other than somewhere in Chicago.

The stories have grown more elaborate over the past few months and I've been reassured that this is very normal for adopted children but part of me still worries that she is going to feel somehow cheated out of growing up with a mother around. We try to compensate by having as many women in her life as we possibly can - hopefully that and our love will be enough.