It's confession time. Sort of. You can't confess what is obvious. And you probably know that I haven't had a new post in quite a while. Four days from being three months to be exact. I've written a couple of things since - more accurately I've started two things since then but never finished them. One of them I promise to post in a few days. The other... too much darkness in it.
I've been like a goldfish in a bowl lately. I can't seem to remember anything or keep track of a random thought. I've actually been at work, turned around to get something out of the cabinet behind me and paused trying to remember what the hell I was doing. Completely maddening!
There are a few reasons that my mind is in such a state. And I can't remember a one of them. For the most part, I think the probable culprit is the pharmaceuticals I've been taking during this time. They're helping me get through some rough times at work and family issues. Specifically, my mother. I'd been trying to reconcile her treatment of me (or lack of more accurately) over the past year specifically with my feeling guilty by not wanting to put up with the craziness anymore. It finally came to a head a few weeks ago when I found she was in a hospital only ten minutes from our house. My aunt had called while I was at lunch to ask how mother was doing and of course I had no idea what she was talking about.
After I got back to work, I debated if I should go see her or not. A woman I work with looked at me and said "I've never met the woman and I don't like her. If she wanted you there, she would have let you know somehow." And just like that, my guilt was gone. Now I just need to work on getting off the anti-depressants and get my mind back. Well, at least my memory. What was I talking about?
No comments:
Post a Comment