Under cool links I have listed a couple of websites for you to check out. Two women I've had the pleasure to get to know through another blog (um, that would be Haven's again.) I've added a link for art by Cathy DeLeRee and updated Sher Fick's link for her new site. Both women do outstanding - and affordable - work with found objects in completely different ways.
Kate McKinney (or Miss Kate Cake for me) is the next link down that you will find. She's a mother/writer/wife who has a way with words that is sorely under appreciated. She can make you laugh in one moment and make your heart and soul sing in the next one. I had the pleasure of briefly meeting her last year at one of Haven's (there she is again) book signings here in Indianapolis.
The next one is John Svara, potter extraordinaire. I've not had the pleasure of seeing his work in person, but just the photos alone make me catch my breath. I know of John indirectly and can tell you with complete lack of hyperbole that he is quite the renaisance man. Not only does he craft wonderful pieces out of clay, he also is a gifted singer/songwriter. He's also a woodcrafter and home remodeler. Oh, he's also a wonderful husband to a dear friend of mine (um, Haven) and father to their children.
The next "Cool Link" is for a slightly known author by the name of Augusten Burroughs. Some of you may have heard of him. If not, shame on you. His best known book is probably "Running with Scissors" which takes a look at a highly dysfunctional period in a teen boy's life and makes it both amusing and heartbreaking all at once. Unfortunately, I don't know him personally, but I am a huge admirer of both his body of work and his ability to have lived through some horrific times in his life and come out of it a stronger and more beautiful human being. Oh, he is also great friends with another writer I've talked about - Haven Kimmel. (Anyone else seeing a pattern here?)
The last two are more for fun than anything. Well, the last one is anyway. The Belief-O-Matic site is more of a tool for helping you in your spiritual journey. Have fun checking out those links. They've given me many hours of joy.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Yeesh! What a downer! How I try to look at things differently.
I've been looking over drafts of posts that have been sitting out there for a while. Seven total. Six of them downers. Blech. They all seemed to have followed a theme... which I think I covered fairly well in the last two posts. I'm just as tired of talking about the crap as you probably are of reading them.
There seems to be a preponderance of memoirs, blogs, and other stuff out there that take parent bashing to a whole other level. That was never my intent. Things are the way they are. What we do afterward is more important that what is in the past. We can wallow in our misery or get over ourselves and realize that we survived and can become different from what our history would have dictated us to be.
This very fact was driven home to me several weeks ago when I was talking to Kim, a friend of mine, about having to get tough with my daughter about - well, I don't remember what now - but she ended up in tears. I think part of the problem was that she had very little sleep the night before and I had just worked six days straight and was exhausted. And I felt completely awful that I made my two year old daughter cry. Yes, she can be emotional, but she's also a very sweet and loving child. I think she was more upset that I was angry with her than anything.
But my point is that Kim told me that I was not my mother or father, that I'm a great dad, and that parents aren't supposed to be their child's best friend. If I feel like a mean guy sometimes, then I must be doing my job as a parent. It's when a parent keeps their child in tears most of the time that there is a problem. And we all have way too much fun most of the time for that to be a problem.
Riley has developed quite the sense of humor over the past several months. One of her favorite games is for me to pretend that I'm asleep and then she'll kiss me on the nose to awaken me. She thinks it's quite funny to startle me, so I play along. And, I hesitate to share this, but she thinks its hilarious to call me momma. We're pretty sure that she's picked up in daycare that some parents are momma's, and somehow I most closely fit the bill for her. Or she's just being a stinker because she sometimes giggles when I tell her I'm not momma, but daddy.
We have options on how to look at things. We could dwell on the past and be miserable about it. Or we can look at the wonderful things in our lives that we're blessed to have. Personally I'd rather look at the flowers and not dwell on the manure that helps them grow.
There seems to be a preponderance of memoirs, blogs, and other stuff out there that take parent bashing to a whole other level. That was never my intent. Things are the way they are. What we do afterward is more important that what is in the past. We can wallow in our misery or get over ourselves and realize that we survived and can become different from what our history would have dictated us to be.
This very fact was driven home to me several weeks ago when I was talking to Kim, a friend of mine, about having to get tough with my daughter about - well, I don't remember what now - but she ended up in tears. I think part of the problem was that she had very little sleep the night before and I had just worked six days straight and was exhausted. And I felt completely awful that I made my two year old daughter cry. Yes, she can be emotional, but she's also a very sweet and loving child. I think she was more upset that I was angry with her than anything.
But my point is that Kim told me that I was not my mother or father, that I'm a great dad, and that parents aren't supposed to be their child's best friend. If I feel like a mean guy sometimes, then I must be doing my job as a parent. It's when a parent keeps their child in tears most of the time that there is a problem. And we all have way too much fun most of the time for that to be a problem.
Riley has developed quite the sense of humor over the past several months. One of her favorite games is for me to pretend that I'm asleep and then she'll kiss me on the nose to awaken me. She thinks it's quite funny to startle me, so I play along. And, I hesitate to share this, but she thinks its hilarious to call me momma. We're pretty sure that she's picked up in daycare that some parents are momma's, and somehow I most closely fit the bill for her. Or she's just being a stinker because she sometimes giggles when I tell her I'm not momma, but daddy.
We have options on how to look at things. We could dwell on the past and be miserable about it. Or we can look at the wonderful things in our lives that we're blessed to have. Personally I'd rather look at the flowers and not dwell on the manure that helps them grow.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
A Change in Perspective
Note: This post was started w-a-y back seven months ago. I never posted it (as some of you well know) because... well, because I was scared of repercussions. Fear is a good thing to have in certain circumstances. For instance when being confronted by a bear, fear is a very good thing. Sometimes though, fear is just a useless emotion. In this instance, especially so. But after my last post, I felt it was time to put it out there.
January 16, 2009 - There's a few reasons why I'm writing this post. First is about my relationship with my mother. Or lack there of more precisely. And before you start writing to me about what a terrible son I am, there are things you need to know.
First, I've tried for years to have some sort of normal relationship with my mother. Nothing would make me happier. I'm not sure what though, if anything could make her happy. I've not seen or talked to her since Riley's first birthday party the first weekend in May. I tried to get a hold of her several times over the next month after that without success. Every time I called, I received a prerecorded message that said that the wireless customer I was trying to contact was unavailable. (update: she called once in February after she was released from a hospital stay.)
Even when I was in the hospital in mid June (2008), I tried several times to call and let her know where I was. Oh, nothing really major. Just kidney stones again. I was admitted because they couldn't manage my pain with prescription medication and they had to break out the heavy artillery, mainly morphine. Pure bliss when it hits and the pain is completely gone. If I didn't like being lucid so much, I could understand why people get hooked on it.
Second, I've been blessed to have had some mighty fine substitute mothers in my adult years. One of them is the mother of Haven Kimmel who happens to be a good friend of mine. Some of you might have heard of her. Those of you who haven't, run right over to her website and blog right now. Especially this particular post of hers. http://havenkimmel.wordpress.com/2009/01/26/surely-goodness-and-mercy/ I'll give you some time to check it out. (Her blog is still there, but is inactive at this time... her last few posts will tell you why.)
Are you back already?
I have to tell you that reading that particular post makes my heart ache. It aches for the love of a mother that doesn't exist for me or my brothers. And if Haven reads this she will find some way of trying to ease the ache within me with an emotional balm made from her own soothing words mixed with a good quote or two from someone far wiser than I could ever hope to be. But the point I hope to make is that my mother, while she isn't the most attentive or compassionate mother out there, she could have done a lot worse by us. Susan Smith comes to mind. Mother gets it honestly as her mother could be the coldest woman on the planet and say the most hurtful destructive things to her own children and grandchildren. And while this may explain mother's behaviour, it doesn't excuse her from not making the effort to recognize the same patterns and trying to change. And that is what the true tragedy of her life is.
January 16, 2009 - There's a few reasons why I'm writing this post. First is about my relationship with my mother. Or lack there of more precisely. And before you start writing to me about what a terrible son I am, there are things you need to know.
First, I've tried for years to have some sort of normal relationship with my mother. Nothing would make me happier. I'm not sure what though, if anything could make her happy. I've not seen or talked to her since Riley's first birthday party the first weekend in May. I tried to get a hold of her several times over the next month after that without success. Every time I called, I received a prerecorded message that said that the wireless customer I was trying to contact was unavailable. (update: she called once in February after she was released from a hospital stay.)
Even when I was in the hospital in mid June (2008), I tried several times to call and let her know where I was. Oh, nothing really major. Just kidney stones again. I was admitted because they couldn't manage my pain with prescription medication and they had to break out the heavy artillery, mainly morphine. Pure bliss when it hits and the pain is completely gone. If I didn't like being lucid so much, I could understand why people get hooked on it.
Second, I've been blessed to have had some mighty fine substitute mothers in my adult years. One of them is the mother of Haven Kimmel who happens to be a good friend of mine. Some of you might have heard of her. Those of you who haven't, run right over to her website and blog right now. Especially this particular post of hers. http://havenkimmel.wordpress.com/2009/01/26/surely-goodness-and-mercy/ I'll give you some time to check it out. (Her blog is still there, but is inactive at this time... her last few posts will tell you why.)
Are you back already?
I have to tell you that reading that particular post makes my heart ache. It aches for the love of a mother that doesn't exist for me or my brothers. And if Haven reads this she will find some way of trying to ease the ache within me with an emotional balm made from her own soothing words mixed with a good quote or two from someone far wiser than I could ever hope to be. But the point I hope to make is that my mother, while she isn't the most attentive or compassionate mother out there, she could have done a lot worse by us. Susan Smith comes to mind. Mother gets it honestly as her mother could be the coldest woman on the planet and say the most hurtful destructive things to her own children and grandchildren. And while this may explain mother's behaviour, it doesn't excuse her from not making the effort to recognize the same patterns and trying to change. And that is what the true tragedy of her life is.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)