Nightingale

The nightingale sings
of a boy in pajamas who waits
on a bed covered in sheets of blue.
A solitary note rings sharp against
the quiet, as darkness creeps in.

He waits for sleep to take him
past bitterness swallowed.
For nests to empty of fledglings
learning to wing their way.
Most to be devoured before
they grow to escape the others
who feast on the weakest.
The indignant mothers squawk
to empty forests.

The crow gives the boy more
water, waiting for him
to heave up scarlet secrets
hidden deep in the well
where bottom can not be seen.
A murder forms to see what
the boy guards so earnestly,
urging him to surrender
what they have gathered for.

The nightingale sings a solitary note,
sharp against the quiet of the darkness.

Six word memoir - part II

In the closet, came out, twice:

Let me fill in the rest of the story. Sher was partially right when she asked if I tripped the first time out. Metaphorically, yes, I tripped on a lot of b-a-a-d men who hurt me emotionally in ways they probably didn't even realize. I came out the first time when I was 21. Had a good time for a few years dating around (read sleeping for dating and that's closer to the truth) and got tired of it after a while. I wanted more, but most/all of the guys I was meeting at the time wanted the NSA relationship... No Strings Attached. And I was lied to a lot. If I could have been distilled into one word, that word would have been naive.

When I was 24, I met a girl who was a cashier at the grocery store I shopped at. It all started with sandwich spread. You know that pink stuff you get from the deli and it's supposed to resemble ham salad? The first time through her line with a container of that, um, goo and the conversation went something like this:

She: You aren't going to eat that, are you?
Me: Well, I wasn't planning on spreading it between my toes.
She: You don't want to eat that. Really.
Me: But I like ham salad
She: So do I. But that's not ham salad. Trust me. I've seen them make that stuff and you really don't want to eat it.
Me: Really?
She: REALLY!

So I put the carton of sandwich spread down, paid for the rest of my groceries and left. There was something about her. So I made sure to go through her checkout every time I went there. She was friendly, I mistook that for flirty, and asked her out. And she said yes. There's more to the story, but that started my journey back into the closet for the next nine years.

We didn't date for very long, but I've ended up with one of the best friends I've ever had. It's a short, special list. It takes a lot to be on it. But it doesn't take too much to get kicked off of it either. I found out the hard way that the true definition of a friend is that they are someone who is there for you when you need them. They return your calls when they say they will. And they don't constantly blow you off for someone or something else. In other words, if it seems like you are doing all the work all the time, the other person really isn't your friend.

When I was 33, I had a long and difficult talk with myself (Gemini curse, one side wanted to talk, the other side didn't) as to why it seemed like I was dating all the wrong women. They were either unattainable, undesirable (and not just physically) or just plain bitchy to me. The conclusion of that talk was that if I dated the wrong women then I wouldn't end up married to one of them. Because if I were to marry a woman, I would end up hurting her beyond all belief by cheating on her with a man at some point. I may have been lying to myself, but I couldn't live a lie married to someone else.

The thing about being in the closet is that you lead a dual life. The life that you let everyone see and the one that you hope no one ever discovers, the life where you sneak off to dark little bars out of town where you hope no one recognizes you. Because the worst part of it getting out isn't that other people would know, the worst part is that you have to admit to yourself that you are a phony and have to make changes. And it's just damned exhausting trying to cover your tracks all the time.

So, I came out again. To everyone that time. Slowly, but I didn't try to hide who I am anymore. I'm not "in your face - confrontational" about it either. But I won't hide who I am or my family (who means the world to me.) The best part though? The fear of being ostracized hasn't proven to be true. I'd venture to say that with few exceptions most people who know me are supportive. And if they're not they've kept that to themselves. That's all anyone can ask.

Six Word Memoir

Tough assignment... write your six word memoir. Thought about this one for quite a while. This is what I came up with.

In the closet. Came out, twice.

Totally true.

Thanks to everyone for being so patient. I've had a cold the past few days. I've been working on a few personal projects (one in particular that I hope will live to see the light of day), and just trying to figure out what direction I would like to take this blog in. I still don't know. It seems to be working with just winging it. So for now, feed me a can of Red Bull, sit back and let's see what happens

I wrote this yesterday for Robbie:

Realization
The sky opened up on that cloudy October day
Illuminating your face in a manner I’d not seen
Before the rains washed the dust and ash away

But no, that’s not it at all, my mind
Opened to see what had been there all along
To imagine what everything would be with you.

You in your brown burro jacket and Doc Martins
Waiting for me in a dusty gravel lot
For me, to catch up with my heart

I realized what wonders life could bring
Joy, happiness, contentment can exist along
with the sorrow rooted deep within

This morning, early, while night still slumbered
I awake, with the words in my heart, Oh
yes, this is my reason as I curl

up to your side wrapping my self
around your warmth.
Like the sun, you warmed my heart

Yeah, I know, pure sap. But it's my sap. Then the thought entered my head that with this three line format, I easily could turn this into a villanelle. HA! You can blame one Ms. Kimmel for that. She's like that, sneaky in getting me to try new things. But once I get an idea in my head, my mind is like a pit bull and just won't let go until it's done playing with whatever it's got clenched in its jaws.

I finished it tonight. Fair warning, this is purely an amatur at play. Here it is:

Realization

The sky opened up on that cloudy October day,
Illuminating your face in a manner I’d not seen.
Before the rains washed the dust and ash away..

But no, that’s not it, it was my mind I’d say,
Open to see what all along, there had been.
The sky opened up on that cloudy October day

In your brown burro jacket under skies of grey,
Waiting for me and my heart’s desires to glean.
Before the rains washed the dust and ash away..

I suddenly knew that life’s wonders would stay
With stunning clarity in a vision so clear and clean.
The sky opened up on that cloudy October day.

Last night you slumbered, before the start of day
I awake, while thoughts of love in my head careen.
Before the rains washed the dust and ash away.

Come good times, come bad times, come what may,
I love you with a confidence I’d never before seen.
The sky opened up on that cloudy October day,
Before the rains washed the dust and ash away.

I wil say that I had fun with this form of poetry writing. It was challenging in the fact that I don't do rhyming and I've never written a villanelle. You can go to Haven's blog to see more on the villanelle and her take on the insanity (?)of trying such a thing. Insane on my part anyway. I will also freely admit to pilfering the words "come what may" from Moulin Rouge... one of our favorite songs. Yup. Pure sap.

The author of this blog is taking a short (he hopes) sabbatical. Too many things to say, read, teach. Too many other things need tending to at this time. He'll be back shortly with hopefully some new material, new insights, and maybe some things that are a little lighter and more humorous.

In the mean time drop in on some of his favorite blogs. Leave him a comment, if you have a chance, and let him know what's going on in your life. Ask questions. I'm sure he'll get back to you as quickly as possible.

Our Next President

Our next President of The United States of America!

What a wonderful dawn to a new era. I can't think of a better gift to our baby girl than this... hope. And a great gift to our country... unity.